Guest bloggers help me out

So I am in LA and had an event tonight and had no DVR to help me, so I have enlisted two guest bloggers -- Jen who I went to college with and who I recently discovered was an Idol fan and Mark, my one time singing partner and fellow Idol adorer. Jen is in straight font and Mark is in italics. This is hysterical - amazing job to both!

Hi! This is Jennifer Niederhoffer, a friend of Rachna’s from NYU, and I’m here to dish on tonight’s results. We’re getting ready for a double elimination after over 45 million votes. [First is group opening number] I hope there’s a costume change because I can’t look at these hideous, poorly interpreted 1970s-esque outfits for a full 60 minutes. It’s interesting how the judges are always so harsh on the contestants when they turn in a hotel lounge worthy performance, but these group numbers make me feel like I’m on a Carnival cruise ship! Where’s Kathie Lee Gifford when you need her?

Group dance number to Michael Jackson's Shake Your Body Down To The Ground choreographed by Paula. Hideous. Paula wearing Fabrice dress from 1986.

Now to the results: Lil is up first? I’m kind of surprised about that. Let’s see… Ryan asks her to walk to the far side of the stage and… Oh, SNAP! Lil is just OUT! No bottom three tonight. See ya. BUH-BYE! Obviously, this is no big shocker. Lil was so promising at the auditions, but had nothing to offer artistically after that. Her performance of “I’m Every Woman” is much stronger tonight, and so she goes out on a high note and gets a standing O from all the judges. Another plus for Lil is that clearly she had a good stylist tonight. She’s wearing a cute and shape-flattering outfit—a complete 180 from last night’s ass-inflating cat suit.

Lil went home. Biggest disappointment contestant in 8 seasons.

And now for the disco medley… Well, I used to love the song “Band of Gold,” but from now on I may have nightmares about this performance. Original disco stars sang!! Freda Payne looking very old singing Band of Gold. She must be 70. I sat next to her at theatre in San Francisco when I was about 9 years old and she stood up and took bow in spotlight. Cannot sing anymore. SAD.

“Don’t Leave Me This Way” is my all-time disco fave. I hope I can be as spunky as Thelma Houston when I reach her age (62). Thelma Houston!!!! Don't Leave Me This Way!!! Still pretty good. Sam and Dudley and I are dancing around living room. She is wearing dressy yellow neglige. She's singing about Simon. (Insert from Rachna, Sam and Dudley are Mark's adorable beagles so I'm sure the dancing around the living room is HYSTERICAL)

Isn’t KC from KC and the Sunshine Band a freakin’ bazillionaire by now? He should just retire and count his money on an island somewhere because he clearly cannot sing anymore. Even his backup dancers/singers looked bored. KC Get Down Tonight! Scary. He should not be doing this anymore. Perverse. Looks like child molester.

Back to the results of the dramatic double elimination. (Their words, not mine.) Oh wait… There IS a bottom three? I’m confused. Anyway, Kris is up and, after some more references to Paula’s “shops in the ladies department” comments from last night, Kris is safe. (No surprise, he was the best of the night.) Now to Adam and the audience is going NUTS. Blah blah blah, we all know he’s safe and probably going to win anyway. Adam has LONG black hair growing out of his ears.

Danny Gokey: too much stubble and not wearing his trademark eyeglasses tonight, so he just looks like a Color Me Badd reject. Hokey Gokey is dressed up as Taylor Hicks.

On to Anoop. That was *so* not his worst performance… Simon must’ve forgotten about Michael Jackson week. Anoop’s in the bottom three to be joined by Allison or Matt. Anoop has colored clothes problems. Sorry Rachna. I know he's your peeps....

Bottom three now or one of remaining bottom two as Lil gone.And Matt safe and Alison also in bottom. Ridiculous. Makes me MAD! (Rachna interjects -- Allison had a moment last night - she should NOT have been in the bottom 3 -- Matt should have!!!)

So, Matt… is safe! That’s a surprise to me. I definitely thought Lil, Matt, and Anoop would be the bottom three. I guess the Michael Buble/Justin Timberlake fans are voting en masse.

David Archuleta is on… awful song, awful album cover. I’m not a fan. Glad that’s over. Archuleta now singing Ed's song...Touch My Hand. Sorry but he puts this years contestants all to shame. He's STAR and adorable. I think Kris should win and he and Archie should do duet. (Rachna interjects -- I will save my opinion til I watch, but I do agree with Mark that Gaspy actually was a lot better than some of the finalists this year, but agree with Jen that I am not a fan either...)

OK, so now we’re down to Anoop and Allison. Ryan says “Good luck to both of you. And, the second person going home tonight is… Anoop Desai.” Boo! Rachna is going to be pissed. I’m sad to say goodbye to Anoop, but not to his bad facial hair.

Anoop going home. Alison safe thank god. The Slumdog WAVE has CRASHED. Back to the frat house. Pack up your colored sweaters and bye bye. He is going to join Jasmine Trias on her Philippines endless tour and then she is going to join him for the Amazing Anoop and Jasmine India tour. Maybe he should have tried Dim All The Lights with Bollywood flavor???

Rachna interjects -- look, I never thought Anoop was going to win it, but he was not that bad (except during Michael Jackson week) Really, no one liked his cover of Always on My Mind? Or True Colors? And come on, but didn't we all start singing My Perogative again? It wasn't because he was Indian, it was because he was a normal guy -- not a theater mess, not a teen idol sensation, not someone who always wanted to be a superstar, not some kid from poverty who would now make it big. For me, he was a first generation American who grew up with normal parents who lived a normal life and tried out for a long shot dream. And you know what, at least 25 million people now know and can pronounce the name Anoop Desai and most of them probably think he is a cool dude who can sing. To me, that is part of the American Dream and the dream of American Idol.

And on that note (and with a shout out to new blog reader "McNally") goodnight and thank you again to Jen and Mark -- you helped keep the dream alive!

remember, don't be ashamed of your obsessions...